Communication and Creativity Blog

Are you “that guy?”

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 16:54:25 +0000

Communication comes from the inside out, whether we like it or not. It lets people know what’s really going on inside of us, no matter how good our facade is.

I recently posted this on Facebook:

Michelle Zavala got bumped from behind while in traffic. Fortunately, no damage to car, only to a very upset 16-year-old who just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” Tried to calm her down, telling her that everyone’s done it at least once and if they said they didn’t, they probably weren’t telling the truth, heh.

My heart went out to her as I remembered my first fender-bender. It was in the high school parking lot, and I was an absolute mess about it. Fortunately, the guy whose car I hit was pretty calm. That made it all a little easier to take.

This girl was a bit of a mess too, and I wanted to be sure I didn’t upset her any more. I kept things light (and yes, I took her information, just in case). She gave me her number and asked that I call her first if any damage showed up. I said sure but unless something fell off of my car, I probably wouldn’t need to call. She seemed relieved and said, “Thank you for being so nice about all this, thank you so much.”

I said, “No problem” then got into my car. I wondered, was I really that nice? Or was I just being a decent human being?

After my status update I asked, “When was your first fender-bender?” I received a lot of comments from Facebook friends telling their stories (thus proving my comment that we’ve all done it!). One person said there wasn’t any damage to the cars but the guy made a big deal out of it.

That got me thinking. We’re all only one deep breath away from being kind or being “that guy” (a gender-neutral term).

You know “that guy.” It’s the person who had a bad day at work or has screaming kids in the car and wants to take it out on you.

“That guy” is the jerk who makes a big deal out of the most insignificant thing.

“That guy” is the person who speaks before thinking and is clueless about how foolish his or her behavior looks to others.

“That guy” is the person actively seeking out a reason to rant, rave, turn red in the face and be nasty for no particular reason.

You don’t want to be “that guy,” do you?

Then don’t do it. Next time the option to be “that guy” presents itself, take a deep breath and let it out slowly before you speak. You’ll be glad you did.

Wishing you a refreshing and productive day, without any run-ins with “that guy.”

Use the Rule of Three for daily focus

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:50:35 +0000

Brian Tracy said that three things that you do during your work will earn you 90 percent of your income. If you want to maximize your chances for success, identify those three things and concentrate your efforts on those activities.

I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now. Do I hit the goal 100 percent of the time? No, especially when deadlines loom. But I can generally complete at least two a day, and that makes me feel more accomplished when I turn off my computer in the evening. These are my three activities:

1. Writing.
This is my bread-and-butter, so it’s a significant contributor to my income. I write every day to meet client deadlines, and the amount of time I spend writing is dependent on the number of projects I have.

2. Marketing.
This is a no-brainer. You don’t market, you don’t eat. I commit 30 to 60 minutes a day to marketing. My marketing includes new and traditional media, along with “keep-in-touch” methods by phone and email. I aim for one activity a day, no matter what it is.

3. Growth.
Plato said there is no stability, only growth or decay. So if you’re not growing, you’re decaying. This was my wake-up call. I realized that we’re all in a state of continuous change whether we like it or not. If change is inevitable, I’d prefer to grow rather than decay!

For me, this activity can include a variety of things such as researching a new business, improving my current business and writing for myself instead of clients. My personal writing has the potential for income and helps me bring a new level of creativity to my clients.

What three activities earn 90 percent of your income? Let me know — I’d love to hear about it!

Have a refreshing and productive day!

Improve self-communication through your dreams

Michelle I. Zavala — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:08:14 +0000

Improving your communication with others is great. But improving communication with yourself is priceless. There are plenty of exercises and opportunities for self-reflection, but if you want to know what’s really going on, ask your subconscious.

Why do you care about your subconscious? Because it’s the part of you that’s “running the show.” Your beliefs, values and more are buried there. So are your problem-solving abilities.

Dreams access your subconscious mind. I hear a lot of people say, “I don’t dream when I sleep” but the truth is, everyone dreams. The difference is that not everyone remembers their dreams.

A dream exercise
Dreams are a wonderful way to get in touch with your true self, solve problems and improve creativity. Here’s a great article in the July/August issue of More magazine. “The Sleep Cure” explains how you can solve problems through your dreams.

I’ve been doing an exercise similar to this for a number of years. I wake up almost every morning remembering my dreams. Sometimes I recall specific details, sometimes I simply wake up with the essence of the dream. I’ve solved many problems this way over the years.

This includes creative problems. For example, I was recently struggling with the best way to present web content in a limited word count. Many web sites are designed to allow only a certain number of words or characters in a defined space.

Writing short copy takes a lot more time than writing long copy. Many non-writers don’t understand this, but it’s true. So I was waffling about my approach. I went to bed, asking for a solution and the next morning, I had it. I scribbled it down quickly on a notepad, then went to the kitchen for my morning tea.

Problem-solving through dreams works. Give it a try, and let me know what happens!

Have a refreshing and productive day!

Creativity and home organization

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:40:57 +0000

I had a garage sale last weekend. I only made about $100 but gained something much more important: My freedom. Freedom from distractions, freedom from frustration, freedom from feeling “tied down.”

My garage sale buddy suggested that the minute we closed the sale, we load up the cars and head for Goodwill. That’s exactly what we did and boy, did it feel good!

The day after the sale, I had a few minutes to spare so I stopped by one of my favorite stores, the Container Store. I wandered up and down the aisles, confident that I would find something I desperately needed to get me organized.

To my surprise, I found absolutely nothing. I had so much extra space in my home, I didn’t need anything to get me organized. I already was.

The secret to home organization
I’ve figured out the simple secret to home organization:

Get rid of the excess.

There’s more to ridding your life of clutter than just the clutter. When you get rid of the excess and make room in your home and workspace, you make room for new things to come into your life.

For me, all this extra space has ushered in a new phase of creativity. I’m setting up my studio with my piano and supplies for drawing and embroidery projects. My mind is racing with new writing ideas, along with ideas for painting a few rooms in the house.

One of my favorites blogs, zenhabits, has a couple of recent posts about simplicity and clearing out:

The Clean-Slate Guide to Simplicity offers some great tips for getting started. I especially liked the comment, “Life will show exactly which things you actually need, and which things you only thought you needed.”

How to Simplify When You Love Your Stuff eases you into the simplification process if you’re uncomfortable with the thought of parting with your stuff.

Why don’t you clear some space today and fling open the door for new and wonderful things to come into your life? Take just one small step today. Because baby steps count, too.

Have a refreshing and productive day!

Study addresses the effect of social media multitasking

Michelle I. Zavala — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 16:04:58 +0000

Last month, I received a number of positive Facebook and email responses to a post I wrote about social media and texting etiquette. The bottom line is that it’s difficult to communicate with someone who is constantly distracted by his or her electronic gadget of choice.

It’s been proven that multitasking is not an effective way to function. This iPhone addiction article addresses social media multitasking specifically:

Referred to as “media multitasking,” a Stanford University study found that those who do it don’t pay attention, control their memory or switch from one job to another as well as those who prefer to complete one task at a time.

The study compared “heavy media multitaskers” to “light media multitaskers” and found that the heavier tech users had a harder time filtering out irrelevant information.

Overusing social media and texting doesn’t just impact others’ perception of you, it also impacts your effectiveness. But this isn’t limited to social media. It’s something all multitaskers should consider.

Why don’t you give your multitasking ways a break today? Turn off the email, TweetDeck, phone or whatever distracts you, and focus on one thing at a time.

Staying focused lets you finish tasks faster, which improves your productivity and renews your energy. Give it a try and let me hear how it goes.

Have a refreshing, productive, focused day!

Communicating expectations makes family vacations fun

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 19:46:46 +0000

Communicating before a family vacation can make the difference in whether you have memories that are fun or forgettable. A key factor to creating fond memories is communicating your expectations.

We all have expectations, even if we don’t communicate them. When you turn on the faucet, you expect water to come out. When you flip a switch, you expect the light to come on. And when you get together with your family, you expect…

What do you expect? Do you expect tension? Or do you expect to have a relaxing, fun time?

You can defuse potentially stressful situations by communicating expectations upfront, while you’re still in your vacation planning stages. This has worked extremely well for my family, leading to some of the most delightful getaways for all of us.

Getting agreement
A few years ago, we took my mom to New York City for her birthday. I asked each family member what they wanted to see and do while we were there. Responses ranged from seeing a Broadway show to visiting the Statue of Liberty and the “Today Show” to eating pizza in Little Italy.

I put together our plan for the week. I made sure each person got to see or do at least one thing on his or her list so that expectation would be fulfilled. I also scheduled in plenty of rest time and a couple of extra activities in case it rained.

We all discussed and agreed on the schedule, the rest times and more. I believe that agreement was key to helping everyone have a relaxing time in the Big Apple. Even with a little running around in the rain, we all had a blast!

For my birthday a month ago, I asked my family for a trip to the beach. I stated that my expectations were to relax and do nothing for a week.

My mom is big on planning and preparing meals when we’re together, but the rest of us aren’t. I specifically said I didn’t want any big meal planning or lengthy cooking time going on — All I wanted was to hang out together. We all agreed to take whatever was currently in the pantry or refrigerator and buy groceries when we arrived at the beach.

It was one of the loveliest vacations ever. A big part of it was, again, communicating the expectations upfront and getting agreement.

Even if you don’t agree…
I’ve vacationed with friends who enjoy the nightlife more than I do. Before we left, I told them I would probably join them for one night but would be hitting the sack early the rest of the time. (Sleep is always a priority for me!)

Even though we chose different activities, we were respectful of each other’s wishes. And that respect helped keep the friendships alive after the vacation! (heh)

How do I discuss expectations with my family?
Opening the door to discuss expectations is simple. Just say, “Before we leave, I’d like to discuss what everyone wants from this vacation to make sure we all have a good time. What do you want to get out of this trip? Relaxation? Excitement? Sight-seeing?”

People like being heard, and your family members (teens included!) will appreciate that you cared enough to ask. So don’t be shy — ask them!

Have a refreshing, productive day and a relaxing vacation!

Social media and texting etiquette (A rant)

Michelle I. Zavala — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:10:33 +0000

Occasionally I want to rant about something, and today’s the day. My rant is about social media and texting etiquette.

I was taught that, when in face-to-face conversation, you give the person your full attention. That was the polite thing to do. Face-to-face communication always took priority, and it included eye contact.

But with the introduction of social media and texting, the electronic gadget-of-choice now seems to take priority over everything. It’s like having a conversation with someone who is continually glancing at the door, waiting for someone better or more important to enter.

I think this is rude. It’s also frustrating because the person doesn’t remember the conversation, and you have to repeat it. Again and again. (sigh…)

Does that make me old-fashioned or behind the times? Nope. I believe it simply means that my priorities are different than the social media/text-aholics in our midst.

I recently told someone what to expect at a social media meeting. I said, “They’ll give you a brief second of ‘hello,’ then all you see is the top of their heads as they get back to texting, tweeting and updating their status. Eye-to-eye contact is non-existent.” He didn’t seem too enthusiastic about attending at that point.

Don’t kill the messenger (or application)
Please understand that I’m not trashing social media and texting itself. I use these tools and appreciate the convenience they offer. If your phone rings or alerts you, I have no problem with you checking to see who it is. I do it myself. And if it’s important, I expect you to take the call or text, just like I would.

The people I’m talking about are the folks who can’t pay attention to an entire sentence because they’re so distracted, waiting for the next tweet or text to come in.

You may be thinking, “Oh, that’s not me. I’m a good multi-tasker. I don’t offend others with my actions.” But here’s a secret:

If you’ve been even slightly uncomfortable while reading this post, it’s probably you. You think we don’t see you doing the sideways glance or tweeting/texting under the table, but we do. And it affects our impression of you. Dramatically.

Whether you’re at work or at play, your commitment to your electronic device has a drastic effect on others’ perception of you. You just need to decide what that perception will be, from this point forward.

Have a refreshing and productive day of politeness and good manners!

Writer’s block and bad first drafts

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:42:54 +0000

This is the third in a series of posts on writing. So far, I’ve addressed writing distractions and the role television and reading play in your writing. Today’s entry is about the mysterious writer’s block and crappy first drafts.

The myth of writer’s block
Pssst, come closer because I’m going to share a really big secret with you:

Writer’s block doesn’t exist.

Did you get that? Let me repeat it — Writer’s block doesn’t exist. It’s simply a figment of your over-active imagination and your natural resistance to writing. Diane Ackerman sums it up nicely:

Writer’s block is a luxury most people with deadlines don’t have.

As a working writer, I can confirm this. When I was younger, I believed that I was supposed to experience blocks. I thought artistic suffering was simply part of great writing. Then I had to start paying rent and buying groceries, and my perception changed dramatically.

When someone pays you money to create, you create. Period. You don’t think about how you feel or how much sleep you got or whether your boyfriend just left you or if your stomach hurts. You just create. Why? Because deadlines are looming, creditors are waiting and your reputation is on the line. And this leads into our next reality.

Bad first drafts
Ernest Hemingway said, “The first draft of anything is sh*t.” Anne Lamott says all good writers write “sh*tty first drafts….This is how they end up with good second drafts and terrific third drafts.”

When folks tell me I’m a good writer, I say, “Thank you. But I’m really a much better editor than I am a writer.” All great writing is rewriting. The only reason you write a first draft is so you’ll have something to edit.

Bad first drafts are the perfect remedy for your fictitious writer’s block. Get it down on paper. Get anything down on paper, no matter how stinky you think it is. Set deadlines, goals, rewards or whatever it takes to get your pen moving or your fingers typing.

Most importantly, accept that the world’s greatest writers had to shovel a lot of manure to get the job done. Accept that you, too, will have to do some serious shoveling if you want to get to your fantastic third draft. Because once you accept it, you can calmly sit down, shut up and write.

Wishing you a refreshing, productive day of shoveling!

Creating your own well-read life

Michelle I. Zavala — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:04:47 +0000

Previously, I wrote about how reading and writing go hand-in-hand. I enjoy reading but find that my interests are overwhelming at times. I want to read the classics, new fiction, creative non-fiction, self-improvement and so much more. It’s sometimes difficult to get my “habit” under control.

The best book I’ve found to get my reading organized is The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life by Steve Leveen. (The subtitle is “How to get more books in your life and more life from your books.”)

This is an excellent resource whether you want more time to read or you want to create your own reading list. One of the most important things that helped my reading enjoyment is knowing when to give up on a book.

Leveen suggests using a 50-page rule. This rule is “if you don’t like it after 50 pages, close the book and move on.” I found this advice quite freeing after struggling to read some of the classics and Oprah’s book club recommendations.

Now, I couldn’t care less if Oprah likes something. And I’ve accepted the fact that I will never have any type of reading relationship with William Faulkner.

Borrow, don’t buy
One key to applying the 50-page rule wisely is borrowing instead of buying. That way if you realize you don’t like reading a certain book, simply return it to the library and get a different book. I used to feel “obligated” to finish a book because I’d spent money on it…but not anymore.

Summer is the best time to get going on your reading list and to help your children discover the joys of reading. I’m hitting the beach soon and have already started pulling some books for my lazy summer days.

What about you? Do you have any books you want to read soon? What about tips that have helped you find more time to read? Feel free to share your thoughts and get thee to a library…soon!

Wishing you a refreshing, productive and well-read day…

Writing, reading and the lure of television

Michelle I. Zavala — Thu, 27 May 2010 17:42:22 +0000

In my last post, I wrote about the importance of removing distractions in order to write. Today’s entry is about writing, reading and the role that television plays in getting any of it done.

Writing and reading go hand-in-hand. Good writers are generally good readers. Through reading we discover what makes us laugh, what makes us cry, what touches us deeply.

Once we know what makes us feel, we can begin to apply it to our own writing. I’ve read passages that were so beautifully written that they — literally — took my breath away.

I love to read. Problem is, I sometimes think I don’t have time for it. Then I discover that I’ve fallen into the television trap. Again.

I find this fascinating for a couple of reasons. First, I have a low threshold for television. I don’t like committing to anything that has the potential to turn my brain to mush.

Second, I don’t have much television anyway. I’m probably one of the 100 people left in America who need a converter box to watch TV. By not investing in cable or dish, I don’t feel obligated to turn the television on. And I really like that.

Passivity and TV
Don’t get me wrong, though. If there’s a program I like, I watch it. Then I click the “off” button. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your favorite television show. The key is to turn off the tube when the show is over.

While I know this, I still manage to engage in passive television watching. I sit down to watch a certain program and suddenly, four hours later, I realize I haven’t gotten off the couch.

Yet the lure of television is non-existent when I’m eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep and spending time with the important people in my life. When I take care of myself, my couch is empty. When I get off-schedule, though, I’m lucky to get in a decent meal. My exercise consists of strolling from the Lazyboy to the couch to the bed.

In an effort to get back to reading a lot and writing a lot, I’m giving up television on June 1. Why?

May sweeps are over, and there’s nothing good on TV anyway.
New movies at the theater and on Netflix are available.
It’s summer! We should all be outside, playing in the pool, grilling out and more.
Less TV means more spare time and more opportunity to do something you truly enjoy.

I’m sure I’ll check out the new fall television season, so this break is only for a few short months. Why don’t you join me? Who knows? You may actually like having a little more spare time in your life!

Wishing you a refreshing and productive day — Happy Summer!