Affinity: A natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship
Affinity is when you “click” with someone or a group of people. It simplifies communication — It makes communication easier and encourages camaraderie. And you can’t make affinity happen. It generally occurs with or without your agreement.
If you feel like you’re not “connecting” with folks around you, maybe you need a group that offers you a common reference point.
For example I’m a Texas Ex, an alum of the University of Texas at Austin. (If you don’t follow college football, the Longhorns were competing for the national championship in January.)
I went alone to watch the game with my fellow alumni. I knew I’d find someone to talk to.
I came into a room full of Texas Exes a little late. I chatted with a couple of guys at the bar, who gave me a play-by-play of the game. I then plopped down next to two friendly couples. We cheered together, we despaired together.
Though we came from different walks of life, our common topic — the Longhorns — quickly opened a door to conversation. We talked easily about the game and other topics. Communication with them was a breeze.
I experience the same thing with my improvisation group, ComedySportz. It’s composed of a bunch of zany folks, including actors. As an actor, I sometimes feel like people just don’t “get” me. But with these folks, it feels like “coming home.” We talk and laugh easily even though we come from different walks of life and have different perspectives on life. I love having a safe place to play and hang out with my “peeps.” They mean the world to me.
Sometimes having just one common point of reference can make all the difference in how authentic your communication will be. Look around for your own little Cheers so you can have a place “where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came.” It can be a great comfort knowing your peeps “get” you and where you’re coming from…even when other folks don’t.
Lyrics to Cheers theme song
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they’re always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.
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